i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I would fuck him just for his dog
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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