I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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