My nipple is on Facebook.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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