he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Randomize
