According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
