In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
