I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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