it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
