I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
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Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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