Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
