I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
