you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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