I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
