No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
