But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
