i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
