your parents love me but you hate me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
