don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
