watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
