I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
