I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize