Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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