if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize