We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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