We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
