He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
