who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
