I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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