His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
