We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
