just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
