What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
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just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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