I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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