have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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