I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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