i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
