Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
