Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
All the doctor said was why
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
