I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
