I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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