I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
