omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
