Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
