So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
