i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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