I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
