I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I cockslap morals
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
