Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
