Jerry, you need to find god
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
