are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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