so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
