I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
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I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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