New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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