hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
