you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
